Culture Wars?

My family is a very conservative, Christian household. I am a pastor. We have five children ranging in age from 14 to 4. I perform weddings, love eating cake, have watched many episodes of the Duggar family’s tv show with my children, and love my wife and children more than anything in this world. We have always had very real talks with our children about things that matter. My wife and I do not dodge hard topics, we share our perspective, we encourage God’s perspective for our children, and we are honest about our failures in life. I think there is an interesting correlation between the story of Josh Duggar, “CakeGate”, and being the family we are today.

When we saw the news this week about Josh Duggar, my wife and I were saddened but not overly shocked. People do stupid things, wrongs things, sometimes very hurtful or even unlawful things. In groups, people are often protected from the worst consequences of their actions. This protection can be well meaning, but it can also be very unhelpful for everyone. I have seen the “church” and “conservatives” try to interject themselves into many culture war battles over the past few years in America. The feeling is that the moral fabric of our nation is at stake, so we must fight hard to save this nation. The Duggar family has been viewed as an example by many of how to live life in a way that pleases God. Their show gives everyone a glimpse into a very unique family and let’s them see that there are a lot of “normal” things in their home. What few expected to see there was the tragedy that unfolded many years ago and that became full public knowledge this week. I have no defense for the young man, his parents handling of the situation, or the way people have responded to the news. There is so much wrong in all three of those areas I would not know where to begin or end.

 Aaron and Melissa Klein owned a bakery in Oregon, Sweet Cakes by Melissa. Their storefront is closed. They have to pay a fine to the tune fo $150,000. People all over the internet are rejoicing at their fate, condemning them for not serving the same-sex marriage clients who requested the cake, and spewing hate at anyone who is willing to donate money to help this couple pay the fine. What does one have to do with the other? The both represent the hated filled hearts in this nation and world today. Too many people are mean and nasty, no matter the religion (including the religion of atheism) with which they affiliate. The Duggar situation is tragically, unquestionably wrong. The cake situation is very debatable at the very least. The Kleins seem to have, according to Oregon law, been guilty of discrimination. The most consistent, though not the worst, of the inexcusable acts present in both cases are the responses from people. Stop it folks! Stop hating, stop judging, stop being so self-assured, stop being self-righteous jerks.

What would Jesus do? This questions became all the rage in the Christian world of America in the late 1990s. The Brownsville Revival, which occurred at my home church in Pensacola, had a great deal to do with the surge of that saying. So, what would Jesus do? He would not place his hands where they do not belong on another person. He would likely not own a bakery, but that is clearly conjecture on my part. He was a carpenter. Would he have built a table for a same-sex couple in his day? No, they would not have existed in first century Jerusalem (the law would have had them sentenced to death). If they did exist, I have a feeling his conversation with them would like be so challenging (though he would be extremely kind and respectful in the process) they would likely try to find another carpenter. Yet, I do not think he would refuse them. I do no think he would have to do so. He was a master at reading people and getting to the heart of the matter.

What should a Christian do? In regard to the Duggars it is important that we choose no one as our hero other that Jesus. My wife, our children, and our parents get the only honorable mentions among humans in my life. We don’t have any posters in our house of our favorite people. I am a big Alabama Football fan and Dallas Cowboys fan, but you will not find much gear from either team in my house. We have five children, have read the “quiver” books, have participated in meetings that were pro-big family, and have stood for pro-life. We have been debt free. I have voted republican, libertarian, constitution party, and democrat. I like Chick-fil-a chicken and Starbucks coffee. We’ve talked to our children at appropriate levels for their age about questions they have had including where babies come from, can you have a baby and not be married, does it take a mommy and daddy to have a baby, and what is abortion. We have discussed marriage-equality and wage-equality. We have often discussed nature, our responsibility to care for the earth, evolution, creation, and history. How we responded may not have been the best way. We are not the poster children for Christians by any means. However, I think we had a response that was appropriate. We choose to remind ourselves that our identity lies in who were are and what Jesus has done to change our lives.

Our family gathered this weekend and talked through the situation that happened with Josh Duggar and the girls who were his victims. We talked about where not to touch and why. We talked about how to respond to an attempt to touch from someone else. (This discussion took place before with our older children when the situation hit close to home in our community.) Our children had questions, we had honest answers. In the end we all felt the worst for the victims in the Duggar issue, the girls. We have recently prayed for our family, the church in America, and this nation. We are praying for the Duggar family and the victims. I am heartbroken when I see the story of the Kleins, the Duggars, Ferguson, and Baltimore. However, I have no control over any of those things, not one. I have limited control over the long-term results of my household. I only have today. Today, we made sure our five kids were accounted for once again. We ensured no one was violated, no one was afraid, and no one was violating others. We ensured that everyone understood love and boundaries. We found our way in a world that seems to have lost its own. All I know is this, our world needs a lot more love (God is that love), respect, hope, and I am responsible for my household. We are moving forward, our five kids are accounted for, and we are rooting for and praying for this nation.